I’m not convinced that the devil makes me do anything. In fact, I’m a little confused about his role, because I have enough evil, pride, and downright meanness in my soul to account for all my bad decisions. Most it is in a place in my brain right next to the knee-jerk-reaction place that I’ve personified and named The Hater. Here’s a picture of it:
Downright ugly dastard isn’t it? The Hater is the part of me that seems to think it’s okay to judge folks for sitting on the edge of an empty pew so everyone else has to climb over them* and thinks poorly of people who mildly annoy me. The Hater celebrates the American military industrial complex (which is different than honoring soldiers and the principles that America is supposed to stand for) and tries to convince me that America (as well as the LDS church) has a monopoly on all that’s good in the world. The Hater talks about false doctrine as it were funny and spreads it as if it were true, things like “If you suffer it’s because of your sins” and “The cause of [insert malady, especially cold sores] is your sins.” The Hater gravitates towards Ecclesiastes and Lamentations and all the scriptures and sermons about fire and damnation and applies them to people I don’t agree with. The Hater loves organization and ceremony more than justice, mercy, and faith and cries out “All is well in Zion, Zion prospereth.” The Hater is always on the lookout for ways I’m better than others, and begrudges others’ success while highlighting their faults and follies. Some religious scholars might note the similarities between my Hater and the Pharisees–the difference is that my Hater looks down on the Pharisees as a bunch of self-righteous bigots.
In an effort to fight the Hater, Marie and I joke about things that bother us and we both know to be false. Some of these false things that supposedly make a body more righteous than others include:
- Getting to church early–the earlier you are the more righteous you are and the more God loves you. Obviously you have your life and priorities in order. Also, the tidier and cuter your kids at church are the more righteous and therefore successful they (and by extension, you) are.
- The more you read your scriptures and the earlier you get up to do so the more righteous you are–20 minutes a day is better than 10 (turns out it’s more about consistency and focus than time).
- Fasting. Once a month is the minimum.
- Serving day and night at the temple.**
- Pay 11% tithing (I’ve done that in the past just to make sure).
- Healthier and better looking–you must’ve done something right in the pre-mortal realms.
All these and more take away the truth that I know and am learning deep in the armrest of my soul: that life is wildly complicated, and while there are certainly things you and I can do to mitigate that complexity, not everything is our fault or in our control. My Hater ignores the fact that I am just as weak as everyone else and would be lost and fallen were it not for Jesus.
I don’t blame The Hater; it is part of me, an amalgamation of all the pride and falsehood I’ve accepted in my life. I accept responsibility for my Hater. Driving down the highway or watching the television you’ll always see ads for lipsosuction and the latest anti-depressant, but as of this writing I’ve never seen an ad for a pill that will fix a bad attitude. That’s the drug I really need.
(Author’s note: in writing this I was trying to unravel this part of me via humor–in rereading it, I’m scared at how much truth there is in here.)
*Unless you’re a mom, then you can always sit on the edge. Then I hate anyone sitting on the edge who doesn’t offer their seat to you.
**(Joke incoming) This one may actually be legitimate.
Some of you might like this https://www.haterdater.com/
precisehammers 